The questioned

My friend once asked: “How did you know, that she was the right one. I mean you made up your mind so fast, how so?”
“How did I know?” I replied. My thoughts at first were vague, “How did I know?” I ummed, I wondered, curiosity ran in my head to and fro. But like a ponder soon to end or a field soon to sow, the arduous journey in my mind brought fruit and the questioned came to know.

“Well..” I stalled with. “I knew nothing else and saw no light. Life felt redundant, it was like a day without night”. The questioner didn’t understand. But it was ok that he not known, it wasn’t a question to be answered, but a feeling only to be shown.

Now sat there with a breeze and a sigh, on a beach with water like hand blown glass and with endorphins running high. I felt and said “Wow, I know at last!”. I had never known that answer or been asked the question. I mean I hadn’t had to and I didn’t know my loves inception. Now with a mind full of obsession I thought “how could I have not seen, or known, or even realised my own hearts discretion?”

I had felt emotion with another. But like a maternally loving Mother, in my heart, there could have been no other. Once when plight was thick I thought she was lost. I couldn’t have known any different, and like my teardrops thoughtless journey, I almost paid the ultimate cost. Now with a light heart I breathed, I sought, I sheathed my hearts beat and thought for a minute without a care if my pulse shall repeat.

I have walked and walked far. Crossed rivers of shame, but found my way home all the same. With hope as my map and her memory as my shrine I am now complete. Now she is mine. Like the fresh smell of the summer rain, my love is reinvigorated with each kiss again and again and again. Like a flicker of light on the darkest night, or when earths windows are undrawn and a new day is born. I was put in this world for this, for only this fight. To make this beautiful woman, my best friend, my wife.

How to

I’ve been asked and told to share my skill. I’ve stood alone, bared and sold my will. They’ll reap their inquest. I’ll invest in this test of your jest and play on a word, I’ll use what you’ve heard, to converge and deter the request. So fly with me or sink with me, either way we will beat the winnings they withheld. We’ll crash and jolt like a tides virgin wave. Like the swaying of the winds in the trees, playing the music unsaid but with a spoken harmony, a win is a lose for those who challenge me with iniquity. We are originality, and all it entails from the mast to the sails, from the oceans height and all it’s plight. We’ll see light with a glance and dance on a wish, wished by both you and me. We’ll play this game and though we’ve already won you’ll see they’ve done the same, just not with me.

The honest feelings of one man

As men, symptomatic is the angst we feel whilst not feeling that another feels what we feel. Although this twist on direction is not to obscure your perception, it’s purpose has featured in your mind for at least the previous second. I am awoken to this prevailing preoccupation by not the love that I feel for another, but the desire to love the love I feel in return and the necessity to hold close the love of being held by another. I admit, to a fear of lovelessness I am captive. I am strong, deliberate and act with conviction. Though to detriment I hold these attributes high, high among the preconception that a man requires power to be powerful or strength to be strong. This isn’t just wrong, it’s the reason I am often found with head in hands searching empty nothings for direction. But you can only walk so far in your head before you’re back to the start, wishing you had ran instead. I can stand proverbially tall and with a reputable resolve but shy at the thought of being challenged by the need to feel loved. I am inexcusably guilty with contempt in this court of my own judgement and to you I ask, please don’t share as I have. It leads only to realization that I’m helpless to my predisposed anxieties and denial is too dark distinguish.